Being More Assertive

January 29th, 2011
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All to often, men are faced with a situation where they can either approach a girl or they can just be wallflowers.  The ones that actually approach the girls usually have been rejected many times but know that if they don’t try, nothing will ever happen.  These are the same guys that are always with the hot girls and you wonder how a babe like her ended up with a goober like him.  So for those of you that have a hard time getting out of your comfort zones and approaching girls, or struggle with knowing how to act on a first date with a girl that has some potential, here are some tips to help you gain your confidence and play your cards right.

The first thing that you will want to watch out for when dating or approaching someone that you’ve just met is to not make her confused when you are done talking to her.  Girls enjoy a little bit of mystery, but they don’t want to be completely confused.  For instance, if you ask a girl on a date and by the end of the date she is wondering if that was actually a date, then you’ve messed up somewhere.  You need to do things on the date that let her know that you are into her.  Simple hand gestures and touching of the lower back or the back of the arm can be good signs that you are comfortable around her and are ok with being a little bit intimate.  Another thing that you should do is to make sure that you can carry on good conversation over the phone.  If you are struggling to come up with things to say then maybe you are not coming on strong enough.

The next tip that you want to do is make sure that you don’t miss out on golden opportunities because you have no spontaneity.  For instance, if at the end of the date the girl asks you to come upstairs for some hot cocoa and you immediately respond with a story about how you hate hot cocoa ever since the “accident” then you just shot yourself in the foot.  Or, the excuse that you have to get up early for school or for a meeting should only be used when you are trying to dodge out of a second date with some girl that is already thinking about the ring that she wants you to buy.  Just make sure that you take advantage of little opportunities like this.

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When You Know You Are Coming On Too Strong

January 29th, 2011
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Have you ever watched a random guy approach a girl and just come on way too strong?  If you are the innocent bystander that witnesses it you may start to feel sick to your stomach that the guy tried so hard and got completely rejected.  The truth is, there are probably other people that have had that same sick feeling when they watched you try to approach a cute girl at a party.  In order to be an effective communicator and make new friendships that could lead to relationships, you need to find the right medium of making an advance but not being pushy.  Here are some things to watch out for in order to make sure that you don’t come onto your date too strong.

The first thing you want to take notice of is if you are coming on as being poetic.  This would include saying incredibly emotional or grand things like “You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen”, or letting them know that they must have come from heaven… barf.  Keep things light and simple if you want it to go farther than just a funny first meeting story.  You should also watch out for using terms that would suggest that you two will be together in the far future.  This is always tacky and will immediately raise red flags for her.  She’ll feel like you are just too much to deal with and likely lose you at the next good opportunity that she gets.

The next thing that you should look out for is just coming on TOO strong.  This would include getting her number immediately and then texting her every single hour afterwards.  Just learn to back off and give the girl some space.  If she feels like you are controlling and needy then she will not want to spend time with you.  Also, don’t call or email too often either or you are bound to run into problems.

The next thing you want to watch out for is assuming that the two of you are actually an item.  Don’t try to meet all of her family and best friends right off the bat or you are just going to make it even more awkward when she dumps you.  Rather than just immediately tagging along when you hear she is going out to do something, wait until you are actually invited before you go do so.

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The Best Ways To Approach Someone

January 29th, 2011
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We’ve all been through it, seeing someone across the way that catches your eye and wanting to say something.  Most people just put thoughts out into the universe, hoping that this person will suddenly come up to them and ask for a ride home, only to realize that this NEVER happens.  Then there are others who have wizened up a bit and have realized that if they don’t take any risks to meet that person, they will likely never see them again.  Now, getting up enough courage to approach someone is half the battle, but the next part is where things get interesting.  There are those who are naturally charming and for the rest of us we have to work at it.  But like with anything, practice makes perfect.  Here are some good strategies to try out the next time you are introduced to someone who puts your jaw on the floor.

One of the first things that you will want to remember is that  you want to keep things light.  If you come on too strong or pry for too much information then you can end up just looking really creepy in the process.  For instance, using a couple well-placed compliments can go a long way.  When you first meet a girl tell her you really like her shoes.  Women fret for hours about the pair of shoes that they are going to put on when they go out, so if you can say something aside from the typical “I think you are gorgeous” compliment, then she will be intrigued.  You might tell her she has beautiful eyes or something as well.   But like I said before, don’t go all out on the compliments or you will lose your charm and look desperate.  Stay away from over-the-top compliments like “You are the best thing that has ever happened in my life”, or make any references to her meeting your family the first time you meet.  Be careful to talk about the future unless you are talking about a few days in advance.  Also, don’t get too detailed in the information you are gathering from her or it will immediately feel like an interview.

The next tip is to be confident but don’t be overconfident.  If you are too pushy in all of your immediate advances she is going to feel like  you are coming on too strong. It is important to go into the conversation believing that she is going to talk to you and give you the time of day, but not ok to force her into it.

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